


Inbetween: The Incredible Burp

by jashykins



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-21
Updated: 2014-01-21
Packaged: 2018-01-09 11:57:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1145707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jashykins/pseuds/jashykins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amanda is a new Animorph and a former Controller. One day she acquires a raven and then things go wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inbetween: The Incredible Burp

**Author's Note:**

> About the Inbetween Series:
> 
>  
> 
> I have some ideas for stories that I don't usually write because my four main series take up so much time (that and other blog work). So I decided that between writing sections of my main series, to write short little fanfics.
> 
>  
> 
> These fanfics will be HIGHLY self-indulgent. Because I work so hard on my other series that I deserve a little break.
> 
>  
> 
> Sometimes some of these "Inbetween Fics" might be samples of later works (that might turn out to be either a fanfic series OR original series).
> 
>  
> 
> About "The Incredible Burp":
> 
> In Animorphs #12 The Reaction there is a problem shown about the morphing ability. It turns out that certain people are allergic to certain DNA. This illness is called Hereth illint. The Andalite term means ‘burping DNA’. It is an uncommon occurrence and the only time it’s happened in the Animorphs series is in #12 and happens to Rachel when she morphs a crocodile.
> 
> I decided to explore this illness and look at what would happen if things went wrong.
> 
>  
> 
> Where It Takes Place in the Animorphs Timeline:
> 
>  
> 
> There is no real event this takes place afterwards. It takes place sometime after Animorphs #22 The Solution as the Animorphs have the Escafil device and David is out of the picture.

The noises from the animals in the Rehabilitation Clinic would have been unnerving to me before. The volume would have made me doubt why I was here at an earlier part of my life. The combination of stenches, that I just thought of as just one stench, didn’t bother me that much either. The Clinic reminded me that I was free now.

 

 

  


I turned to look at the person I was helping. Her name was Cassie and the others referred to the Clinic as Cassie’s barn. She was an Animorph as was I. At least now. The Animorphs, the original ones, were given the ability to morph by the Andalite Prince Elfangor. Now they fight the Yeerk invasion of Earth.

 

 

  


Yeerks are just harmless slugs. Until they get into the head of a creature like a human. Then they get all the abilities of the host. All the memories. Once you were infested you lost all control. You weren’t yourself any longer.

  


 

  


“Amanda?” Cassie asked and I remembered that I was here on a mission. Not one fighting the Yeerks, but one helping a friend.

 

 

  


I turned my attention back to the injured raven.

 

 

  


“I’m fine.” I told her and looked at the bird. So weak compared to an osprey or red-tailed hawk, but there was strength in there. Whenever the raven looked at me I saw the ability to cause chaos. But I had never morphed a raven so all I knew was speculation.

 

 

  


“Is it hard for you?” She asked as she directed me by the movements of her hands. “Hiding out and not being able to do the things you used to do?”

 

 

  


“I’m not going to become David.” I told her. I didn’t like that the others thought I was going to turn on them just because they had had one bad incident. “I don’t mind. Anything’s better than the condition I was in before.”

 

 

  


I saw that Cassie was about to speak but then knew speaking would have caused unneeded pain for me.

  


“You were going to talk about me being infested.” I said and saw her become embarrassed. I liked Cassie and didn’t mind her trying to understand a former Controller. Who knows, maybe I would unintentionally give the group better insight into the enemy.

 

 

  


“I can understand if you don’t want to talk about it.” She replied.

  


 

  


“I don’t want to talk about it.” I said and adjusted my hold on the raven as it twitched in fear. “But I also don’t want the Yeerks to be here on Earth. Hell, I would like the Yeerks to not be real.”

 

 

  


“Not all of them are bad.” Cassie said and I just looked at her. As anger started to boil in my blood she explained. “I knew one called Aftran.”

 

 

  


“So that’s one among a whole Yeerk empire.” I said angrily. Not because I didn’t believe Cassie, but because I would have enjoyed a Yeerk like Aftran. One who didn’t so easily bow to how the other Yeerks did things.

 

 

  


“We had an agreement.” She said as she finished up with the raven. “I did what she wanted and, from what the others told me, she seems to have been moved.”

  


 

  


“A Yeerk that was moved.” The idea was ludicrous, but I trusted Cassie. “I can tell you that there aren’t enough Yeerks like that.”

 

 

  


“Maybe one day there will be.”

 

 

  


“Yeah, but I’m not letting Earth get taken over because it’s possible that there are Yeerks that want peace.”

 

 

  


As I started to help move the raven back to its cage I realized this could be a chance to acquire a new morph. I let my hand rest on the bird and started to take it in. The black feathers and eyes that seemed to see more than they should.

 

 

  


The raven became still as it went into a trance and its DNA became a part of me. When I finished acquiring the raven I looked at Cassie. She said nothing to me until we put the raven in its cage.

 

 

  


“When do you think you’re going to use your raven morph?” She asked.

  


 

  


I knew the correct answer wasn’t to say that I was going to use the morph for fun. No reason for acquiring a morph would be accepted unless it dealt with fighting the Yeerks. No matter the honesty of saying I had merely acquired the raven to see what being a raven felt like, I could not give Cassie that reply.

 

 

  


“Spying.” I replied. “Ravens don’t look out of place most of the time. If Jake needs a spying mission I won’t have to bother acquiring a new morph for the occasion.”

 

 

  
  
Cassie nodded and let the matter drop. Maybe she thought there wouldn’t be bad consequences or that I needed a little harmless fun in my life. Either way, she didn’t question it.  
\---------------------------------------------  
 Because I had to be in hiding all of the time and going to the mall wasn’t safe for me, I went between hanging out with Cassie and Ax. His full name was Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill and he was an Andalite. He was the brother to Prince Elfangor and was the lowest rank of the Andalite military. An Aristh. I liked him and that might have been due to my Yeerk hating his species.  
  

 

 

Andalites had unleashed the Yeerks on the galaxy so I should blame them for my brief enslavement. But there was something about Ax that I couldn’t hate. Maybe it was innocence or that he was someone I had to spend so much time around because I couldn’t hang out with my usual friends.

 

 

  


Looking at Ax I saw grace in him that Visser Three lacked as he ran towards me. I waved at him and he said, _Hi._  


 

 

  


Not with his mouth, as Andalites lacked them, but through thought-speech. Tobias and I were the only ones who spent a great amount of time with Ax. All of us couldn’t hang out where humans usually did for obvious reasons.

 

 

  


Myself because I was wanted by the Yeerks, Ax because he was an Andalite, and Tobias because he’s trapped in morph. A notlith. However, due to circumstances that hadn’t been clearly described to me yet, Tobias had been granted his ability to morph. Both Ax and Tobias had human morphs, though.  Tobias, besides regaining his ability to morph, had been able to reacquire his old human self. Ax had done something called a Frolis Maneuver to get his human morph.

 

 

  


That’s what I wanted to talk to him about today.

 

 

  


“Hi,” I said when Ax stood a few feet in front of me. I paused as I was nervous as he was kind of cute. At least for an Andalite. “So how’s the grass today?”

 

 

  


  
_It’s normal._ Ax replied with some confusion. He wasn’t dumb, no matter how odd he acted in human morph, but he didn’t fully understand the human species yet. _Is that what you wanted to talk about today?_  


 

 

  


I didn’t like asking for something from a friend, especially a friend who probably half expected me to turn out like David. David was a kid that the Animorphs decided to take in after some events happened. Events that left David unable to live like he used to. Instead of sticking with the group he had turned against them. Even going so far as to kill a red-tailed hawk he thought was Tobias and killing a kid so he could live normally again.

 

 

  


I didn’t like that the group thought I would ever turn out like that monster.

 

 

  


“I was wondering about getting a human morph.” I explained. “You and Tobias can both interact with the others in places like the mall. I’m not going to spend a lot of them there, but it’d be nice to have that option opened to me.”

 

 

  


  
_You want to know how to perform a Frolis Maneuver._ Ax guessed. As I said, a smart guy.

 

 

  


“I get the gist of it.” I said honestly. “I just want to have someone to reassure me that I’m doing it correctly.”

 

 

  


_And you’re nervous about asking me about this be-_

 

 

  


“Because of Seerow’s Kindness, that you still probably have ingrained in your mind, plus the fact that I’m the new member of the group. With the last one being a traitor.”

 

 

  


_I trust you._

 

 

  


“Yeah, I’m sure part of you believes that and the other half is telling you that you’re an idiot.” After my reply Ax shuffled his hooves. Andalites weren’t so different from us after all.

 

 

  


  
_I see no harm with telling you how to do the Maneuver._ Ax finally said.

 

 

  


“What if I became a chimera?” I asked and Ax looked at me, wondering what I was talking about. “Basically what if I combined a bunch of animals’ DNA into one super morph? Don’t you think that would be a dangerous thing for me to know how to do?”

 

 

  


  
_The Frolis Maneuver doesn’t work like that._ Ax explained. _You can only combine DNA from the same species._  


 

 

  


“That’s a disappointing.” I said. “We could really kick Yeerk butt if the Frolis Maneuver wasn’t so limited.”

 

 

  


  
_Yes,_ Ax agreed. _You humans could have a much better chance in battle._  


 

  


  


“What?” I asked, pretending to be offended. “You think just because we don’t use battle morphs that have tail-blades that we’re weaker? What if I just acquired you?”

 

 

  


I reached quickly for Ax and he was startled. He was swift in backing up out of my reach and tensing his tail-blade to attack me.

 

 

  


  
_Sorry._ He said when he regained himself.

 

 

  


“It’s okay, I frightened you.” I replied, a little ashamed that I had taken a joke too far. “I would never acquire you, though. Not without your permission.”

 

 

  


  
_You want a good battle morph to hurt the Yeerks?_ Ax said after a moment’s hesitation.

 

 

  


“Of course I want to hurt the Yeerks.” I replied. “Frankly, I want to kill them all. I want to see them all dead. I want to be the cause of their demise and have every last one suffer.”

 

 

 

 

  


  
_Do you want to fight because you were infested?_ Ax asked.

 

 

  


“Yes.” I replied without any hesitation. “That’s exactly why. I saw what the Yeerks have done and will do. I’ve done…thing and betrayed friends all because the Yeerk inside my head made me do them. I don’t want another living being to go through what I did.”

 

 

  


I paused a moment as my anger gathered.

 

 

  


“None of the others knows what it’s like.” I continued. “Jake was infested for three days and all that happened with him was that his Yeerk tried to escape. He didn’t go through betraying his friends and his planet.”

 

 

  


“Not-“ I started to add, but something felt wrong. Something inside me seemed to be startled by the sudden anger. I felt myself starting to change.

 

 

  


I held out my hand and it started to turn black. I was morphing, but I wasn’t controlling it.

 

 

  


“What the-“ I said but then I couldn’t talk due to my vocal chords going away. A beak was forming.

 

 

  


I looked at Ax as my vision changed and I started to shrink. He looked shocked, but he was keeping it together. If something wrong was happening to me he’d know what to do. If there was one Animorph I’d want by me in this situation, it was him.

 

 

  


As the morph continued I tried to stay calm and make it stop. Morphing is one of the greatest things in the world, but I wasn’t planning on it right now. Something was going horribly wrong.

 

 

  


When the raven mind appeared I knew the morph was finished. My fear was enough to override anything the raven was feeling.

 

 

  


  
_Is that a new morph?_ Ax asked.

 

 

  


  
_Yes,_ I replied, unable to say anything else.

 

 

  
  
_Hereth illint._ Ax replied and the way he said it, it didn’t sound like good news.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
We were all gathered in Cassie's barn. Tobias was in his look out spot where he could still listen in on the meeting. Ax was in his Andalite form but was prepared to morph human if the need arose. Everyone else was a human and so could be where they wanted to be. I was human but would have to hide if someone came around.  
  
We all turned to Jake as he was the leader. From what I could gather from the others, him being the leader was because no one else wanted the position. I could be paraphrasing, but that's what I got.  
  
"You acquired the raven and then morphed it when you didn't mean to?" Jake asked.  
  
"Yes." I replied. "Ax said something like Hereth ilient?"  
 _  
__Hereth illint._ Ax corrected.  
  
"Isn't that what I had awhile back?" Rachel asked and I turned to her.  
  
There was a lot I didn't know about the group. A lot I probably wouldn't know for a long time since I knew I was regarded with suspicion by most. I was the ticking time bomb that might go off any second and possibly succeed where David had failed.  
  
"What is it?" I asked.  
  
"It's where you have an allergic reaction to an animal's DNA." Rachel explained. "Until you burp out the DNA you start morphing uncontrollably."  
  
"Yeah, Rachel did some damage to her house when she was-" Marco began but was silenced by the glare Rachel was giving him. I was saddened as it sounded like a funny story.  
  
"When I had Hereth illint I morphed an elephant while I was home." Rachel explained, though I don't think that was the entire story.  
  
"So I'll just start morphing at random?" I asked. Maybe because I got this illness I would be a danger to the group. Maybe being near them now wouldn't be a good thing.  
  
 _You have to feel a strong emotion._ Ax explained.  
  
"My anger today." I said, not liking to talk about what had happened earlier. "After I got really angry I morphed into the raven."  
  
"So it's like you're the Hulk but you turn into something non-threatening?" Marco joked and a smile started to form on my face.  
  
"Hey, ravens can be dangerous." I fired back.  
  
"Cassie?" He asked.  
  
Instead of Cassie answering, Rachel interrupted by saying, "I'm more worried about you morphing into your battle morph."  
  
"I can control the hyena." I told her and tried not feel anything for what I perceived as an insult.  
  
I didn't like that the group was suspicious of me and hated them for that at times. But I really did care about them. I didn't want to hurt them and being emotionless wasn't my thing. I felt hatred for the Yeerks, isolation from everyone, and a lot of other emotions on top of that.  
  
I wasn't safe for my fellow Animorphs right now.  
  
"But if you let your guard down when you randomly morph then there might be consequences."  
  
"Are you saying I'm a danger? That I can't control myself?" I tried to keep calm. "I didn't exactly fly away when I morphed a raven earlier."  
  
 _Hereth illint can last a week._ Ax replied. _You might grow used to it._  
  
"She won't grow used to it and lose control." Cassie said as she came to my defense. "Rachel didn't suddenly lose control of a morph."  
  
"I was an Animorph a lot longer than her when I got Hereth illint." Rachel replied.  
  
"And she was a Controller before she was an Animorph. There's a lot of strength in holding on as much as she did."  
  
Rachel didn't argue with Cassie and just tried to avoid her friend's eyes. I admired Rachel for a lot of things, her strength among them. I didn't think I would ever reach the level she was at, but I was not weak.  
  
After a few moments Rachel turned to me and said, "Cassie's right, you'll be fine. It'll be a little disturbing over the next few days, but at least you're just burping out a raven. I had to burp out a crocodile."  
  
I found Rachel's attempt at comforting me nice, but I could tell she still thought she was superior. I would deal with that and I knew she would deal with her distrust of me the same way.  
  
I didn't buy into Rachel's comfort, though, since I knew I could be a danger to the group. If there was even a minor mistake I could sentence the Animorphs to death. Or something far worse than that.  
\--------------------------------------------  
I made sure I had packed all that I would need for the coming week. I wouldn't be able to morph so even if I wanted to try out the Frolis Maneuver I couldn't. Plus I was afraid of acquiring anything else until the Hereth illint was over.  
  
I looked around Cassie's barn and I reveled in the noise. No one was here to pity me or show their distrust in me. All that the animals in the barn could do was to cause a racket, which they had been doing non-stop since I started packing.  
  
I'd like to think that they cared that I was troubled. That they didn't want me to leave even though staying at the barn was dangerous. But that was only my imagination as they were animals and didn't think that way. I had morphed some of them in the past and so knew that it was only my imagination that was making me think that they cared.  
  
I finished checking and thought of where to go to next. Where did I think would get me far enough from the group not to harm them and where would it be safe for me to go?  
  
As plans started to form in my mind I thought of Ax. I needed someone to know exactly where I was going and I needed someone that could help if I ran into any trouble. Ax could do both of those things.  
  
I wrote down a list of different destinations to give to Ax. I could have just written down the one location I wanted to go to, but I knew there was a chance that something might go wrong and then I'd have to move.  
  
Besides Cassie, Ax was the only one of the group I actually trusted. Liked? Maybe I'd think so later, but not now.  
  
I started to walk towards Ax's scoop as I couldn't morph to get there. Walking of my own accord was a feeling I couldn't describe to the others, Jake and Cassie being the exceptions, since they had never been infested. But I preferred flying since it opened up a lot more options. Plus the experience was beyond words.  
  
It took a little bit and I let the scenery of the forest sink in. It might be the last time I would be seeing a forest for a week, depending on where I decided to hide out. The sounds were much different here than in the barn. There was a lot more space for the sound to reach out and it didn't have to bounce off walls.  
  
I looked up to see if Tobias was close by and there was not a red-tailed hawk in sight. Good, I wanted to talk to Ax alone.  
  
I walked up to his scoop and looked in. He didn't seem to be home and so I decided to wait. After what seemed like a long time, I saw Ax returning.  
  
I didn't wave this time as I was feeling scared and was about to ask Ax to lie for me. I knew, from what Cassie had told me, that Ax had problems with telling the group the truth in the past. Now I was asking him to do what he might consider a bad thing for the new person in the group.  
  
Ax slowed down as if he could tell something was wrong or else that he was angry that I was in his scoop.  
  
"Ax, I'm going to be leaving." I said and neither of us spoke for a moment.  
  
 _You didn't tell the others._ He finally replied.  
  
I chuckled and confirmed his answer by saying, "It's not like the group trusts me. Even you weren't giving me support during the meeting."  
  
 _I don't think you'll betray us._ Ax said.  
  
"No, I won't." I replied and shook my head. "But I do think I might be a danger to the group. If I make a little mistake the group might suffer."  
  
I didn't add that I was also leaving because I couldn't stand being sick and the only people around were ones that didn't trust me. That would question my every move. Worse, they might pity me.  
  
 _I tru-_ Ax began, but I stopped him with a raised hand.  
  
"No, you don't. Part of you may trust me but the side that doesn't trust me seems to have a much bigger grip on you." I said and Ax looked ashamed. "Listen, I just wanted to say good-bye and give you a list of where I'll be staying. Well, locations of where I'm thinking of going."  
  
 _You didn't tell the others._ Ax replied as he took the note I handed him. _You don't want to protect them, you want to protect me._  
  
"Yeah," I said. "Right on the first, half-right on the second. I don't want the others to come and try to get me back to what they consider safety. I want to protect you and Cassie as you've been the kindest to me."  
  
 _Then why didn't you tell her?_ Ax asked.  
  
"Because, knowing Cassie, she'd try to find me because that is what's morally right."  
  
 _And you don't think I'll tell the others?_ Ax questioned me. _If you're captured by the Yeerks again you'll be infested._  
  
"I'll morph something and stay over the two hour limit." I answered and was greeted by a strange expression from Ax that seemed to combine surprise with admiration. "I've been infested by the Yeerks once, I'd rather die than have that happen again."  
  
 _I'll check up on you later this week._ Ax said after a few minutes. It seemed to be a hard decision for him to make. _I won't tell the others._  
  
I shouldn't trust him as he had more loyalty to the group than to me. But, for some reason, I did believe him. I trusted him to keep the secret.  
  
For a second I wanted to hug the Andalite Aristh as it'd be the last touch I'd be getting for awhile. I decided against it as I didn't want to break his resolve and if I even shook his hand I might not go.  
  
"Good-bye." I said and walked away. Before I did, though, I saw some type of sadness in his eyes.  
\---------------------------------------------  
 Coffee is something that should be simple to order. But it isn't always. There are these fancy terms for different kinds that I never got. I would sometimes have a cup of coffee in the morning, but I was never an addict. So I never got to ordering more than black coffee anywhere outside of home.  
  
The fact that my job, while I was away from Tobias' meadow, Ax's scoop, and Cassie's barn was a barista at a small coffee shop was funny. I knew I should just be hiding out and not getting a job, but sitting around all day would just make me bored. Make me more likely to lose control of myself and then morph when I didn't mean to.  
  
Yes, a Controller could recognize me, but it was a risk I was willing to take. Plus the fact that I was away from where the Animorphs lived would mean it'd be less likely that the Yeerks would figure out I had teamed up with them. They wouldn't think I'd team up with them anyways or that they'd have given me morphing technology as my former captors thought them all Andalites and the species was known to be stuck up.  
  
Ax didn't seem stuck up or pompous, but he could be an exception. A wonderful exception I thought as I took an order from my latest customer.  
  
The cafe always had noise either from customers or the music that was supposed to make people calmer. It wasn't as loud as the animals in Cassie's barn, but somehow it was less peaceful.  
  
It might be that I was imagining everyone in sight as a Controller that knew who I was and then I would be captured. After questioning I would be infested again and this time, oh this time, I would end up giving up the Animorphs. The only hope left for Earth would be lost because the Yeerk would see everything.  
  
It could also be because I was imagining one of the Animorphs walking in, though that was highly unlikely unless Ax had spoken to them about what was supposed to be secret, and their doubts would be proven correct. I had attempted to destroy the group and had also tried to use Ax in that attempt.  
  
That would be the version they would see and it would be impossible to convince them otherwise. I would never earn back their trust. Would I get a fate worse than David's?  
  
Even though I was getting nervous, I had learned to control my emotions well enough. I had a few outbursts before, but now I was getting decent. I didn't want to be tested as I didn't know how well I could hold up against a real challenge.  
  
As I served another customer I noticed someone walking in. The teenager was beautiful, that was the only word I could think of to describe her. I wished I could have thought of a better word at the moment, but I couldn't.  
  
Her hair was brown and long. It rested on her shoulders and back like a queen on a throne. Why was I thinking of such a cheesy phrase to describe her? Couldn't I think of a phrase that was as beautiful as I thought she was? And why was I seeing Ax angry in the back of my mind? Why was I thinking of him now?  
  
Focus on her. Focus on this teenager.  
  
With my mind properly focused I watched her while helping with the customer. As the girl walked her breasts bounced to signal that she wasn't wearing a bra. Was she going to meet someone later?  
  
I wanted her to meet me now.  
  
I had never dated before I became infested and after my infestation there wasn't a chance to. Luckily my Yeerk didn't think it necessary for my cover to date and have sex. I wasn't scared of sex, it was just that it should be my decision.  
  
As she looked at me I felt myself getting wet and butterflies flew around in my stomach. I was scared and oh so horny. When she walked to the counter I noticed another change, a change that was other worldly.  
  
I felt myself beginning to morph. Damn Hereth illint!  
  
When I had first joined the group I had acquired a cockroach and morphed it to show I was brave. I had heard talks that everyone was afraid of morphing insects, though Jake said being a flea wasn't half bad.  
  
The girl didn't talk but just looked at me strangely. I admit I was a sight to see. I was walking oddly as I tried to get out of sight as quickly as possible. I looked at my hand and saw it becoming a cockroach 'hand'. I was afraid that other stages of morphing were visible to everyone watching.  
  
The back of my neck? My face?  
  
"I need to pee." I whispered weakly and ran to the bathroom.  
  
As I closed the door to the only stall, I started to shrink. My eyesight got weird and exoskeleton took the place of my skin.  
  
I tried to say gross but my vocal chords were gone by that point.  
  
When my morph was complete I was inside my clothes and shivering. Well, as much as a cockroach could shiver.  
\-------------------------------------  
 I was back up at my apartment after I demorphed from my cockroach morph. I looked in the mirror to remind myself that I had been able to demorph and was human again. That no one had seen me morph and that everyone thought I was just another girl working in a coffee shop.  
  
I started to change out of my work clothes into ones better suited for morphing. I didn't know if I'd lose control again so I liked to stick with tight clothes. I wasn't a great morpher, but had figured out how to morph tight clothes that weren't leotards. Of course I didn't have a high success rate, but it was the best option at this point. Unless I wanted to lose lots of clothes until this was over or hope that I kept morphing small animals.  
  
After changing I sat on my bed that creaked. It would creak upon the slightest touch. I was in hiding and couldn't afford the best place. Of course, even if I could, I'd still stay in living quarters that wouldn't be looked at in great detail. Poor places tended to be overlooked.  
  
I spread myself out on my small bed and tried to fall asleep. This was hard to do as I kept imagining the Yeerks finding me or the original Animorphs coming to give me a fate worse than the one given to David.  
  
Finally I started to doze off with images of Ax running to me while we were both in a field with the sun shining down. Before I could completely fall asleep and finish the dream I was woken up by a knock on the door.  
  
I sat straight up and all thoughts of sleeping went away from my mind. I looked around quickly for things I could use as a weapon since morphing was out of the question. Maybe it was just Ax. But if that were so why wouldn't he come in a bird morph?  
  
I walked slowly to the door and looked through the peep hole. Through it I saw the girl from the cafe with the long brown hair. I knew I should've been suspicious since she had no reason to visit me. But maybe she didn't mean me any harm and I could waste a few hours with her.  
  
As I calmed my libido down I opened the door slowly.  
  
"Hi," I said softly and was intrigued by the girl's look.  
  
However, any thought that I would be having a good afternoon was dashed with how the girl looked at me and then the room. I know every person is different, but I also know what Controllers act like. Their movements are slightly off and you wouldn't notice unless you were looking for them. It helped if you were formerly a Controller yourself.  
  
I thought about fighting this Controller for a second but then knew I'd have to get her in the room or else others might notice. And what could I tell others that might notice? I had to kill her because a slug from another world is in her head?  
  
Yeah, that would make me look very sane.  
  
I didn't tell her to come in, I just stood out of her way as she walked in. The Yeerks hate the Andalites because of their arrogance, but the Yeerks have a fair share of their own. The way the Controller walked around the room just stunk of pure arrogance. More than I had ever encountered with Ax.  
  
"Do I know you?" I asked and shut the door.  
  
"You don't know this host or you'd have run." The Yeerk said. "I remember that you liked to run away, that's how we got you the first time."  
  
I remember how I went to a meeting of The Sharing and was so excited to be accepted. I had then learned the horrible truth: aliens were real and one species was hell bent on using their power to invade Earth.  
  
"Things have changed." I said and knew if I were to be captured now that I would kill myself. I wouldn't let myself be taken.  
  
"The Andalite bandits abandoned you and you didn't even attempt to fight us." The Controller put a hand on the bed. "Like the rest of your species, you'd rather live in dirt than stand up."  
  
I struggled to keep from saying that the Animorphs weren't all Andalites and that they had accepted me. I was living where I was now just so thing wouldn't go bad for them since I had Hereth illint at the moment.  
  
"I don't need the Andalite bandits to help me kill you." I told her and she laughed.  
  
"Ah, yes, you'd be able to stand up against me." The Controller took a Dracon beam out of her purse. "I read your files and know you're not any kind of fighter. Just the regular trash The Sharing brings in."  
  
I was angered by what the Controller was saying. Of course I had changed through my experience of being infested and fighting alongside the Animorphs. I had changed thanks to them.  
  
"I'm not the regular trash now." I told her and ran at her.  
  
Some of my hair was burned as I dodged when she shot at me. I tried to keep myself emotionless as I attempted to ram her side.  
  
Soon I was holding her wrists as she continued to try and shoot me. One shot nearly hit me before I managed to have her lose grip of the Dracon beam. Then I pushed her against the wall as a smile formed on my face.  
  
"You're a friend of the Andalites now?" The Controller asked with fear on her face.  
  
For a moment I didn't realize what she meant and then I felt it being harder to stand. My legs were changing! I was morphing!  
  
I knew I should be afraid, but I was happy. Now I could have an excuse to tell the others if I killed her. I couldn't help myself I'd tell them.  
  
For most of the morph I didn't know what I was changing into. But then I realized what I was morphing into. It was a hyena.  
  
The Controller pushed me away but I managed to knock her down. We wrestled with each other as I continued to morph. It was difficult to keep her in place as my bone structure changed.  
  
 Once I was completely in hyena morph the animal mind wanted to battle this enemy.  
  
I let the hyena take control and we went for the throat. As the blood came out the Controller screamed. After a minute or two the Controller didn't make a sound. I knew I should feel sorry for the host, but I didn't. I knew that death was a much better option than life as a host.  
  
When the Controller was dead the hyena part of myself wanted to eat her. I allowed it to. I needed to make sure the other Yeerks didn't find this one. And it felt good to consume her.  
\---------------------------------------------------  
 It was a few days after my incident with the Controller when Ax came to visit. I was suspicious when he came since I was still thinking about my last visitor. But when a familiar voice came with a knock on my door talking about cinnamon buns, I opened it.  
  
Now Ax and myself were sitting on my bed with an empty cinnamon bun box. It wasn't empty because we had enjoyed eating, but because he had eaten them all before he had arrived. I didn't mind as his antics amused me and this was like him. Andalites didn't have a mouth, so I would think it odd if he had actually given me even half a cinnamon bun if I didn't tell him to.  
  
That might be an unfair thing to say, but it was true the majority of the time.  
  
 _You still have it?_ Ax asked.  
  
When we had found it safe he had demorphed. He was still a little too large for the room, but he fit.  
  
"Yes." I said. "But don't some Hereth illints last longer than others? You don't really think I should worry, do you?"  
  
Ax looked at me as he considered this. While he was the most knowledgeable in this area he was still a teenager, not much different in age than the original Animorphs. And, like a lot of kids, he had been distracted in school. No matter how cool I found alien life it was normal for him. Might even be as boring as history for me.  
  
 _There hasn't been enough research in the area._ He finally said _,_ but I felt like it was him giving me a sense of false hope to hang onto _. It is entirely possible._  
  
"Yeah, and pigs fly." I said under my breath.  
  
 _I am sure, with genetic engineering, that is entirely possible._ Ax said and a small grin escaped me.  
  
I had used the phrase with him before and he was very aware of what it meant. It was nice that he was trying to joke to cheer me up. Even if the joke was weak.  
  
"Getting better." I told him and he did the odd Andalite smile with his eyes.  
  
He came over and put an arm around me and I took comfort in his touch. Ax wasn't human, but he was the one that was here now. The one I had wanted with me since the Hereth illint started. And now, with this news, I knew he was the only one that I could trust.  
  
 _You should go back to the others._ Ax told me.  
  
"Is that because you care or that you're tired of hiding another secret from the group?" I asked and hoped he'd answer like I wanted him to.  
  
 _I think that you hiding here isn't helping you. You're not allowing anyone to give you comfort._ Ax finally replied, realizing the importance of his answer.  
  
"I'm allowing you."  
  
 _I'm not human and I don't fully understand your species yet. I don't think I can fully comfort you like you should be._  
  
"You're better than a slug in my brain."  
  
 _Anything is better than a Yeerk._ Ax said harshly.  
  
"So, tell me, am I ever going to play the violin again?" I asked and Ax just stared at me blankly. "I mean is the Hereth illint permanent for me?"  
  
 _What does Hereth illint have to do with a violin?_  
  
"It's one of the odd human phrases."  
  
 _I'll remember that._ Ax said and paused. I could tell he was afraid of telling me what we both already knew. _Hereth illint hasn't be studied since it is a very rare occurrence. It is entirely possibly that you might have the disease permanently._  
  
"And that's what has happened." I said and he turned his eyes away from me. Which was impressive for an Andalite. "You know that. You have to."  
  
 _Yes, the thought has run through my mind. I don't think it has to be permanent._  
  
I laughed. Yeah, not permanent. Ax was a child thinking that there wasn't anything he couldn't fix. But there were some things that couldn't be changed. There were things you had to live with no matter how much you didn't want to.  
  
I thought being a host was one of those things, but that didn't turn out to be the case. However, Hereth illint wouldn't be like that. I wouldn't ever escape it.  
  
"I'll be moving." I told Ax. "I've encountered one Controller and I don't need another one to check up on it."  
  
 _Where will you go?_ Ax asked and I told him.  
  
I told him in detail about the place I had gone to on a trip when I had been unaware of the Yeerk invasion of Earth.  
  
Afterward Ax raised his hand and then put it back down. Tobias had once told me that Ax's species kissed with their hands. But that was most likely not what Ax had intended to do, he had probably meant to shake my hand and then found the human action too hard for him.  
  
After he morphed into a Northern Harrier I opened the window and watched as he flew away.  
  
I started to pack and hoped my plan would work. I hoped that Ax trusted me enough to not realize how far I would go to protect the group. Ax would go to where I had said, but he wouldn't find me.  
  
I now had to hide myself from him.  
\--------------------------------------------------  
 I had taken up jogging as it helped me control my emotions. It helped me calm down when I was stressed and it made all sense of loneliness go away. And I needed to pretend that I wasn't lonely and that I wasn't guilty of not helping to stop the Yeerks invading Earth.  
  
But what could I really do? I still had Hereth illint after weeks of useless waiting. I couldn't morph and therefore couldn't fight. The Yeerk that had controlled me wasn't a high ranking one so I couldn't offer the Animorphs good intel.  
  
I was jogging through the woods this morning before the sun had fully risen since not a lot of people chose to be out now. The fear of the killer of the week was high on people's minds. I kept track of the latest updates, but I would take death over this endless pain.  
  
I thought of Cassie's caring words, Rachel's ego that was somehow reassuring, Marco's care that was somewhat hidden behind endless jokes, Jake's leadership that made me wonder who else could possibly lead the group like him, Tobias' curse of being in a hawk body and yet he still was a strong supporter of fighting against the Yeerks, and Ax...Ax was hard to describe. I didn't know which trait I would pick for him. Maybe the fact that he, among all the Animorphs, had been trained to fight before the group had formed.  
  
I missed them but I couldn't go back. I'd be a danger to them. But wasn't I a danger to them without protection for myself? What if the Controller had been successful and captured me for infestation.  
  
Wouldn't a group that knew how to handle my problem be better to stick with than no help at all? It wasn't like I could help myself.  
  
I had avoided thinking about why I had abandoned the group. But now was past time to examine the reason. Was it because I was afraid? Had the Controller been right in saying I was just the 'usual trash' that was infested through the Sharing? Could that really be true?  
  
As I continued to jog I thought about being afraid. Being away from the group was partly done out of fear, I admit. I feared for their safety from me. But was that really fair? What could my morphs really do if they decided to either flee or attack them?  
  
I could spend most of my time in Tobias' meadow or at Ax's scoop and not be in any danger of exposing the group.  
  
Logic was failing me when using the excuse of protecting the group being my reason for running away.  
  
Then it came to me: I had run away because I was ashamed.  
  
I was ashamed because I was now useless. I couldn't fight the Yeerks. Hell, some mornings I found myself morphing getting a glass of milk. I was disfigured, in a way. It would've been better if I had died with the Yeerk that had infested me.  
  
Being rescued had just prolonged my suffering. I was now just as useless as I had been with a Yeerk inside my head.  
  
Did I have a reason to fight like the others did? No. I had escaped and that was good enough for me. If Earth was fully invaded by the Yeerks I would be used to what happened next.  
  
Either I would be infested or killed. Both options worked for me.  
  
I knew why I hadn't told Ax the truth of where I was now: it was because I didn't want him to pity me. And I had seen him pity me last time we had talked. I didn't need that again until this was over. If it ever ended.  
  
Seeing a bench I sat down to catch my breath. Jogging wasn't distracting me, it was making all my emotions so much worse. If I could have some beer maybe that would calm me down, but drinking alcohol would mean I couldn't fully keep my emotions in check. The last thing I needed was to be captured because I got too drunk in a bar and started morphing.  
  
I tried to find my calm, but it was hard. I was never much into meditation before I had been captured. However, I was finding it easier than I thought to control my own emotions.  
  
As the minutes passed by I found myself growing calmer and calmer. It was almost like I felt nothing and yet that was okay. It wasn't a depressing kind of nothing, but one where everything felt right.  
  
I opened my eyes as I heard another jogger. Jumping off the bench I hid behind a bush and watched as the jogger went by. He didn't see me and I remained still for a few minutes calming myself again.  
  
Even if he was a Controller he wouldn't have seen me and I wouldn't be infested. Everything was going to be okay.  
\--------------------------------------------  
Every place I went to after I had parted ways with Ax weren't always safe places. Sometimes they were places with danger everywhere. I know that's a strange thing for me to say since, well, I knew about the Yeerks. I knew anyone could be an enemy.  
  
But that didn't change the fact that I could still be stabbed to death by a regular human.  
  
The thought of that kind of death had a sad sense of hope to them tonight. Rain was starting up as the full moon was high in the sky. I didn't spend time looking up as the danger from the stars wouldn't come screaming in on a Bug fighter, but from a Controller on the ground.  
  
I tried to keep myself calm as I walked down the alley. The stink from trash and possible piss was overwhelming. I wanted to be walking down the alley as a hyena and have no fear that anyone would attack me.  
  
And if someone did, they would most likely be drunk or Controller. One I could kill and the other wouldn't be a bother to me at all.  
  
I listened for any sound and hid when I thought I heard footsteps. Part of one of the walls jetted out slightly and I hid behind it. When I made sure I was calm I turned to see who was sneaking up on me.  
  
I had to hold back a laugh as I saw some of the rain had made a bottle tip over. Maybe I did need the other Animorphs to help me. If I was getting so scared by simple things I did need others to watch over me.  
  
That hurt me to think since I didn't like to think about telling one of them that. I didn't like to think about telling the group that I needed them now.  
  
Some movement in the sky made me look up and I saw an owl. It looked like a Barn Owl and I got a little scared.  
  
A few of the Animorphs had that morph. One day Rachel and myself had had the bad fortune to be alone together and she had told the story about how Jake had been infested for three days. She had told the story to prove I shouldn't start thinking too highly about myself.  
  
Some of the Animorphs had used the Barn Owl morph to make sure the Yeerk didn't escape.  
  
For a few precious moments I hoped that it wasn't one of them and then it landed on the roof and said, Amanda?  
  
I didn't move but knew that was useless. Owl eyesight was supposed to be amazing, so whoever had found me would already know I was there. I was guessing Cassie since I thought I recognized her thought-speak.  
  
When I stepped away from my hiding spot, that probably didn't even hide me, the Animorph flew down and started demorphing.  
  
I could tell it was Cassie as none of the others could morph as well as she could. Ax had called her an Estreen which basically meant she was extremely good at morphing.  
  
"Cassie?" I asked when she had finished demorphing.  
  
I was worried that she was going to reprimand me but then I saw the concerned look on her face. It had started to form once she had finished demorphing.  
  
"You're wondering if I'm me?" I asked. "If I'm a Controller again?"  
  
"You'd have made it easier for us to find you." Cassie replied and then answered the obvious unasked question. "Ax told us."  
  
I had figured Ax would tell them at some point. Him and the other Animorphs had had a rocky relationship at first. He had to deal with how not to break Seerow's Kindness and, at the same time, he also had to help his fellow Animorphs.  
  
So Ax felt bad about hiding things from the group and I didn't expect him to keep my secrets.  
  
"So what are you here for?" I asked, my courage returning to me. "To tell me that you'll keep me safe? Or that you've found some miraculous cure for me?"  
  
"We have found a cure." Cassie said and there was a moment of silence.  
  
No way could they have found a way to cure my Hereth illint. Unless Ax had remembered something, there wasn't a way to fix me. I was broken beyond repair. It was foolish to think otherwise.  
  
"What's this cure?" I asked, pretending to take the bait.  
  
Cassie paused as though figuring how to tell her lie.  
  
"This is a secret that must not be known to anyone outside of us Animorphs." Cassie said. "There are androids on Earth that no species knows about. They are called the Chee and were made by the extinct race called Pemalites."  
  
I felt my pride tugging at me as I realized I was being let in on a secret of the group. I was being treated like a full-fledged member.  
  
"One of them, Erek King, has helped us in the past." Cassie continued. "He can't fight as Chee are programmed against violence."  
  
"Why doesn't he find a way to change that?" I asked.  
  
"He did reprogram himself but then reverted back to his original programming a short time later. A Chee's memory remains forever and he did not like the memories he made while he fought."  
  
I thought that was a stupid move for him to make. Then I wondered what it'd be like if I had to remember in detail every experience of my Hereth illint. Could I keep it together if I had to remember, in detail, being infested by a Yeerk?  
  
Erek did make the right choice, but I still didn't agree with it.  
  
"So why bring him up?" I asked.  
  
"He has a way that he believes will heal you." Cassie said. "The others do miss you. Especially Ax."  
  
Could there really be a cure? What could the Chee do? Part of me wanted to run in the right direction and get the cure now, but part of me didn't. Part of me didn't want to see the others' pity for me.  
  
That fear, the fear of pity, had made me run off in the first place. But would it really be wise to give up a shot of being cured for a life hiding in fear?  
  
At some point I'd have to learn to not let pity bother me. Maybe that time was now.  
  
"I don't care if the group misses me." I lied since I did care about Ax. "But, if possible, I'd like to be able to fight against the Yeerks again. If the cure doesn't work you will allow me to live out my remaining days in peace."  
  
Cassie didn't bring up that I would never have peace with the Yeerks continuing their invasion of Earth. She was the peace maker of the group and so she wouldn't bring up that point to convince me.  
  
"Do you really want to live like this forever?" She asked and I was silent.  
\--------------------------------------------  
Meeting up with the Animorphs had been an odd experience. I had been both frightened and excited. The person I had wanted to see the most was waiting for me. First in human morph and then in his actual form. His actual Andalite form.  
  
Ax was holding my hand as Erek and the others prepared the area that I would be cured in. I was grateful that he was willing to act so human in my time of need.  
  
I'm sure you have questions. Ax finally said.  
  
"Yeah, I just don't want to think about them." I replied.  
  
It was only Erek that needed to prepare, but the others wanted to stay away from me for now. Most likely Cassie had told them that Ax would be able to keep me calm better than they could.  
  
Marco wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he wasn't needed, Jake was trying to keep him calm, Cassie was concentrating on Erek, Rachel was trying to keep calm, and Tobias was preening.  
  
Erek, though, was making sure the device was working.  
  
"He buy that at Radio Shack?" I asked.  
  
Most of the pieces, yes. Ax replied and I sighed. Oh? Was that a joke?  
  
"Yeah, I don't want to know that some cure for an alien sickness can be found down the corner." I replied shaking my head.  
  
Erek will not kill you.  
  
"Not on purpose, but he might do it accidentally."  
  
"Amanda." Erek said and Ax let go of my hand.  
  
"If this is our last time." I told Ax and started to take his hand but he shook it off.  
  
There will be a next time. He promised me.  
  
"I hope so." I replied and went to the seat by Erek.  
  
"You're worried." He told me and I had to remind myself I was just looking at a hologram.  
  
But the hologram was so good. Every movement of a real human was on his face and other parts of his body. If I didn't know better I'd tell you I was looking at a real human being. Even knowing the truth I might accidentally tell you a lie.  
  
"You don't need to be." He told me and started to hook me up to whatever the machine was called. "There will be some pain and then you'll be fine."  
  
"How much pain?" I asked.  
  
I was familiar with human doctors and how they would pretended everything would only hurt a little. And then when they did their job the amount of pain was surprising. Could Erek lie or was he programmed against that?  
  
"Not more than you can stand." Erek said. "From my past experiences of humans, you'll survive."  
  
"Will it cure me?"  
  
"Most likely, yes."  
  
"But you're not sure?"  
  
"It's never good to be sure of anything."  
  
"I'd like you to be sure." I told him.  
  
Erek finished getting ready and then stood in front of me and said, "So you want me to lie to you?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Then, yes, I am sure nothing bad will happen to you."  
  
And, with that, the pain started.  
  
I had never been tortured before and hoped never to have that experience. Well if you counted the bad run ins with Visser Three while a Controller, I had gotten a little taste.  
  
But I had never felt every part of me light up in a giant flame sending lightning through every nerve of my body. I had never felt seconds drag on to become eons of pounding blood in my ears.  
  
I didn't know if a scream went past my lips or if I was imagining it. I didn't know if I stayed still or was having to be held down by everyone in the room with Tobias morphing human to hold me down.  
  
All I knew was that I felt like I should have told Ax my feelings, half-formed as they were. Even though I didn't fully know what I felt. I still should've told him what I thought so that I'd die knowing he knew.  
  
I should've told Cassie that I was more than thankful for all that she had done to me. That, besides Ax, she was the only real friend I had after I had been freed from my Yeerk.  
  
I should've told the entire group that I was sorry for running away.  
  
But all that I could do was hold tight to the pain, the only thing that was real in this moment, and ride the wave out.  
  
As the pain increased I saw only darkness come towards me and I started to give myself to it. Why should I fight death? Why should I hope for a happy ending?  
  
Black seemed to cover my entire being and then I felt something amazing. I felt the pain stopping and slowing down. Then I felt something seem to come out of me, but it didn't hurt. It felt similar to any time I morphed: there was a pain but it wasn't really pain.  
  
I opened my eyes as the raven left my body. I let out a laugh and looked at the others.  
  
The only ones I focused on was Cassie's smile and the odd Andalite smile Ax did.  
  
As Jake was the leader of the group he walked over to me and knelt so we were at eye level.  
  
"Amanda, are you alright?" He asked.  
  
"Yeah," I said and laughed again. "Better than ever."  
  
I continued to laugh and watched the raven fly around the room.


End file.
